HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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