I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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