Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
