Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
