ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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