I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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