I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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