just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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