I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
