so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.