hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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