:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.