Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.