i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.