I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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