when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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