i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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