Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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