Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
