We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
