Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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