i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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