There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
