you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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