If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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