Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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