i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
