Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
