i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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