I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
