I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
