1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
