I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize