She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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