He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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