i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
