thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
