i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
