My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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