I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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