I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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