it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
