it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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