Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
