No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize