I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
