We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
