so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
