Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
