the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
