I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize