Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
