We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
