I will die if light touches me.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
