Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
