I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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