His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
