there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
