Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
