we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
