I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
