Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
