he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
