I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
