the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
