I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
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judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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