im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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