I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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